There’s a perspective on emotional health that we haven’t discussed a lot in these pages. It’s the role of emotional health in ‘bigger issues’, by which I mean societal or global issues.
Often when we talk about choosing our responses and staying above the line, it is in the context of personal relationships, such as between a leader and their team members. Staying above the line in this context means avoiding blame, denial, self-justification and defensiveness in a given situation, and rather taking personal responsibility for your responses.
However, what about the situation where, say, a world leader is taking actions that make us angry or frustrated, where blame feels easy to attribute and where we have little or no control over what is going on, sometimes ‘in our name’? Are we ‘failing’ if we feel these emotions? What does an emotionally healthy response look like in this case?
The first point to make is that emotions like anger and frustration, and the desire to blame or to deny or to defend, are all perfectly natural. These are normal facets of the human personality. They are mechanisms we use to keep ourselves safe mentally. They help us make sense of the world in a way that gives us at least the perception of having some control.
Each of us tends to draw on our own mix of responses, depending on our own personality. In our world, one Enneagram type might have a ‘default response’ of feeling angry while another type will turn away, ignoring the ‘problem’ and hoping it disappears. Another might go down a rabbit hole seeking to make sense of what is going on by accruing information.
In short, each of us has our own way of falling below the line in order to try and protect ourselves. Again, this is a normal part of being human.
Where this is associated with lower levels of emotional health, and where it becomes problematic, is where these feelings or desires turn into impulsive reactions – particularly reactions that have a negative impact on other people.
For example, when anger at an international event leads to yelling at the cashier at the service station. Or a panicked rush to hoard supplies at someone else’s expense becomes the goal at the service station. Or becoming so absorbed in ‘doom-scrolling’ that everyday responsibilities and relationships are left to suffer.
These are instances of staying below the line – of low emotional health.
In contrast, it is possible to sit with the pain of being below the line and make choices to come back above it. Using the ‘inner observer’ to notice and explore the emotions and feelings that are there is the first step. The next is placing a focus on what can be done – no matter how small – and will make the world a better place, sooner or later.
For instance, one option is to do as millions of Americans have been doing and consider engaging in more public actions. When large-scale activities become impossible to ignore, our leaders do take notice (even if they don’t let on).
If such actions on our side of the world seem too distant from the ‘source’ of the problems, there is always the option of encouraging friends and family who live closer to that source to do what they can, starting with enrolling to vote (if that is possible).
When finances allow, donations to the organisations that are making a real difference on the ground in war-torn countries, such as the Red Cross, Médecins Sans Frontières, UNHCR and numerous others are always welcome. While providing money may seem like an easy ‘out’, the reality is that these organisations can’t do their work without public contributions.
Closer to home, there are ways to get involved that will help the local community. Donating to or volunteering with a food bank is one option. Following our own political leaders’ requests to avoid panic-buying of fuel and choosing to use public transport whenever possible is another. Even picking up any stray litter helps keep a place tidy.
At an individual level, there also is the QuantumThink® Distinction of ‘Observer created reality’ to draw on – a way of reframing how one sees humanity as a whole. Instead of looking at the media’s portrayal of the world and seeing only cruelty and greed, the focus can shift to on the millions of ordinary people who have no interest in fighting their neighbours – even when there are missiles flying back and forth overhead.
Above all, there is always the choice to be caring and thoughtful to those around us.
Every little bit helps.
Gayle